Practicing Compassion
In Mindful Compassion, Paul Gilbert gives a classic definition of compassion:
“Compassion is “being sensitive to the suffering of self and others with a deep commitment to try to prevent or relieve it.”
Psychologist Rick Hanson similarly defines compassion:
“Compassion involves warmhearted concern for suffering and the desire to relieve it if you can. Compassion can be given both to others and yourself. Compassion is a psychological resource – an inner strength – that we can develop over time. We grow inner strengths by having experiences of them that lead to lasting changes in the nervous system.” (Resilient)
Hanson expands the basic definition with his third sentence: “Compassion is a psychological resource – an inner strength – that we can develop over time.”
Compassion is a strength that can be developed over time and lead to lasting changes.
20-30 years ago, neuroscientists confirmed that the adult human brain can continue to grow in measurable ways throughout life. Our brains can make new connections, and new neurons can grow. We never stop learning from experience.
What we pay attention to impacts the inner workings of our minds. We can build and strengthen our minds to be more resilient and adaptive. With practice, we can literally expand our capacity for compassion – in our lives, our relationships and in our interactions with the world.
Awareness. Attitude. Action.
In Boundless Compassion, Joyce Rupp identifies three essential components that comprise the movement of compassion: Awareness. Attitude. Action. Breaking this down….
Awareness. Awareness is the practice of remembering to be present, to meet the moment just as it is, aware of self and other, with open attentiveness. Unless we become aware of suffering, we cannot respond to it compassionately.
Similar to mindfulness, awareness can be a skill that we practice and develop. When we are open to real life, we will become aware of suffering – in our lives and in the lives of others.
Attitude. How do we respond? Can we stay open to suffering? An attitude of compassion reminds us not to disconnect. We exist in an interconnected world. The suffering of one affects the suffering of all. If I have an attitude of compassion, I cannot push away people or situations that I don’t like.
That doesn’t mean that compassion makes us responsible for everything. We all have different roles to play. If I am suffering – grieving, oppressed – then my attitude might be one of self-compassion, nonviolence, survival and choosing not to take revenge. If I’m not directly in the line of fire, my compassion might look more like an attitude of surrounding and strengthening those who suffer with a healing force and commitment.
An attitude of compassion is not necessarily the same as being sweet or sentimental. All our emotions have their place and their dignity (week 3) – but when an attitude of compassion is our priority, our intention is to look beneath even the differences we can’t accept… and recognize an interconnection in our common humanity that can motivate us to bridge differences.
And a religious or spiritual attitude adds another layer: Our interconnection includes the recognition that the “indwelling light of divinity unites us at a spiritual level” (Rupp, Boundless Compassion, p. 16).
Action. Action is the third part of the movement of compassion. Compassion is not a replacement for action. We must act, at the same time recalling that our actions are balanced and nourished by the perspectives of compassion. Being grounded in love gives us motivation and energy to act in a positive way for the benefit of all beings.
Reflection Questions
In general, what aspects of compassion appeal to you most?
How do you try to be open to living with compassion?
What helps you relax and return to compassion when you are tired or frustrated?
Resources
Rupp, Joyce (2018). Boundless Compassion: Creating a Way of Life. Notre Dame, IN: Sorin Books.
Gilbert, Paul (2014). Mindful Compassion: How the Science of Compassion Can Help You Understand Your Emotions, Live in the Present, and Connect Deeply with Others. New Harbinger Publications.
Hanson, Rick and Hanson, Forrest (2018). Resilient: How to Grow and Unshakable Core of Calm, Strength, and Happiness. New York: Harmony Books.